Home for a Lifetime

Around this time of year, many families are thinking about back to school. This doesn’t always refer to the kids, though. Several of my co-workers here at AdaptMy.com are also heading back to school… and this got me thinking. How many seniors would also enjoy the intellectual and social stimuli of going back to school?

My Mom always said that she’d love to retire somewhere near a large university where she can take classes and enjoy the cultural variety that university towns have. One of my older cousins managed to live this out at Lasell Village in Massachusetts, a college-affiliated retirement community. These independent living communities seem to be popping up all over. They are sometimes called “lifelong learning centers”. The seniors living in the communities are encouraged to enjoy all that the university has to offer. The communities have made agreements with the university so that the residents can enjoy classes, concerts, and the library at little or no cost.

Although it may not be possible for you to uproot and move to one of these communities (you may not have one in your area), there is no reason you can’t have this in your own backyard. Local universities, colleges and community colleges often cater to adults who don’t want or need credit-earning courses. Looking into it for just a moment, I’ve discovered that our local community college has a Organization of Active Adults that plans meetings, special classes and discussion groups while also negotiating discounts on credited classes.

If you are a lifelong learner, look into what’s available in your area (oh, and don’t forget about online classes!) or take a look at the college-affiliated retirement communities popping up all over the country.

Take a look at these, starting with my own alma mater

• The Village at Penn State
• The Forest at Duke
• Holy Cross Village at Notre Dame
• University Commons at University of Michigan

Thanks to a wonderful blog I follow by Karen Braitmayer, I got to read a great document, “Tips On Interacting With People With Disabilities“. I must admit that, as an introvert, I sometimes have trouble communicating with people regardless of whether they have a disability or not. But, just like many other people, I struggle in particular when it comes to interacting with people with disabilities.

I really appreciated some of the advice given in this document. For example, ‘Offer assistance only if the person appears to need it’. This seems so simple, and for a person without disabilities, I wouldn’t even consider offering unsolicited help. But, I’ve often wondered whether I am being inconsiderate by leaving someone with a disability to their own devices. In theory, I know that everyone wants their independence, but sometimes I feel like I’m being rude by not offering to help with something in a store or the supermarket.

I also really appreciated the advice that people in a wheelchair or with another mobility device often consider this device to be part of their personal space. It’s not something I had really given much thought to before, but I can imagine it being a real issue at times. (Just like pregnant women I’ve known who’ve had complete strangers come up and touch their belly!)

Point of balance is another concept I hadn’t thought too much about. Many people with mobility or vision difficulties use their arms for balance. Grabbing their arm to “help”, opening a door they were leaning on, or even pushing a chair in behind them can be just enough to throw off their balance and make a dangerous situation.

The key point of the whole document is really two-fold: treat people with disabilities just as you would any other individual, with the same respect for privacy, independence and personal space, and think before you act (a good idea in many life situations!)

I’ve been wondering; what kind of housing did people use as they reached 90+ in the past? There must be millions of stories. Yes, some move to a nursing home, some live with family, but the majority? They’re out there among use, leading quiet lives and noisy lives. Some with dignity, some with great difficulty.

Some alone, some with loads of companionship.

I have heard family stories and watched YouTube videos, read newspaper stories and seen with my own eyes. I bet you’ve seen them too.

• The 102 year old woman in a broken down trailer with impassable front steps.
• The 92 year old musician, playing loudly for his neighbors.
• The 98 year old woman who manages two flights of stairs daily, with no difficulty.
• The 120 year old woman who quipped about a short future, who outlives her family.
• And the many tales about people who cannot maneuver in their own homes any longer.

My in-laws moved to an apartment. They lived there for 15 years before he passed at 92, forcing her to move to a nursing home at 90 because of her dementia. They lived in that apartment with dignity, on one floor with stores within walking distance and lots of public transportation. But when they couldn’t get out anymore by themselves, there was no-one to take them to appointments or help them when things were difficult. So the family hired help, a live-in aid. That was quite an adjustment, but, for the most part, they aged in place.

Some, who plan ahead, think about what kind of life they want. Live with peers as neighbors, or in a neighborhood with people from many generations? Live alone or in very close proximity to family? But there’s lots most of us don’t plan out, can’t plan out: transportation, proximity to good medical care and shopping, ample finances. And some folks wait until the last minute (if even then) to think about the physical aspects of their home and housekeeping. That’s a limiting factor for many folks.

When I think about Aging in Place, I realize there’s nothing new about it. One by one, decisions are made, to help a person live comfortably and safely. Can I do stairs? Can I care for myself safely, eat well, bathe easily and dress by myself? How about toileting?

Checklists are helpful to make sure you don’t miss major points, but they’ll never capture everything for you. Only deep thinking will.

Have you thought about it? Or will you, like most people, let life happen to you? What’s your story?