Home for a Lifetime

I was talking with a friend of mine last week. He’s had a number of medical issues over the years and is facing a few more. I told him about my recent experience with major surgery and how a certain book and philosophy had helped me stay calm though it. (I remembered that I hadn’t shared that part of the experience with you.)

“Prepare for Surgery, Heal Faster” is a common sense approach to dealing with doctors and being your own advocate. Peggy Huddleston, the author, reminds us not to be embarrassed if we don’t understand, ask lots of questions and stay calm. Staying calm is easier said than done, so Ms Huddleston provides us with the basics for meditation, a relaxation technique. Her basis for meditation is extremely positive and proactive, allowing the patient to participate actively in their own healing.

I wasn’t convinced. I thought it had voodoo ramifications. But I knew my mind was racing off the charts with negative thoughts, so I thought that it wouldn’t hurt and gave it a try. Contrary to what practitioners may tell you, meditation requires practice, practice, practice. It was absolutely worth it for me.

I meditated twice a day for about 6 weeks, more if I was stressed. I followed Ms Huddleston’s question path, but altered it slightly to my own tastes and needs. I added music because I initially found I was consistently falling asleep. Falling asleep is relaxing, but not refreshing or calming.

Closer to surgery, I mustered up the courage to ask the anesthesiologist to participate with positive affirmations during surgery. I knew what I needed to hear, and she was to say those words to me throughout the surgery. I asked for the mental support of my friends and family in a very specific way. This gave them a helpful way to participate and a positive way to talk about an elusive future.

The results were phenomenal. I credit meditation with the fact that I needed absolutely no pain medication after a pretty grueling 11 hour surgery. I was relaxed and convinced that I was going to be fine, and I was.

I don’t know if it was self hypnosis, good fortune, positive vibes, voodoo or what. I don’t care. The results were all I could ask for.

Exercising is boring for most people, but have you considered the consequences of not exercising? It is physical therapy for your body, are you going to ignore it? That is how many falls happen. That is why many an older person cannot get up from a toilet or sofa. Back pain – don’t get me started.

I am not an exerciser, for the most part. My body reminds me every now and again, with twinges, aches and pains. I’ll exercise for a while, but then I get “too busy” and the cycle starts all over again. Even if you are really active, think about where you are weak and I’ll bet there’s an exercise for you.

Recently, I had surgery and I am receiving occupational and physical therapy to challenge my new weaknesses. I realize that I am most grateful for being in fairly good shape to begin with. I am attacking my exercises with gusto, and the results are great. Each new exercise, however, pinpoints a new weakness I have to conquer. They’re hard work.

The physical therapist (PT) is responsible for making me as strong as I can be. He’ll promote an exercise routine, but he can’t do it for me. I have to do it if I want to get stronger. It’s all about me. My legs, thighs and calves are powered by me. If they are strong, so will I be. Today I graduated to upper body strength, but I cannot ignore the trunk or my legs to support me. Exercise is the key to my recovery and the link to my future – I can’t forget that. Building upon strength, that’s the key.

The occupational therapist (OT) focuses on my being able to do most everything by myself. For me, that includes not drooling while I eat. My surgeon may have fixed the nasty problem, but I can’t wait for nature to take its course. I have to work. So the OT plays Simon Says with me. Oh great, I think. And after a half hour making faces at each other, I realize I am exercising again. I have muscles in my neck and face. We don’t think about exercising them, but if they are lax, they have to be built up again. More exercises.

We may whine about healthcare costs, but what have we done lately, except throw money at it? We have to take better care of ourselves. That includes eating better and exercising. You don’t have to be thin and flexible to be in shape (although that helps) but you have to take care of yourself, or someone else will end up as your caregiver. Get started with less than 5 minutes a day, while you brush your teeth, make your coffee, ride to work.

Find a way to amuse yourself into good health. Simon Says.

Caregiving is an interesting topic. Having just run the gamut of being cared for myself, I am just beginning to understand the differences, and possibly a lack of appreciation.

In the hospital, nurses, aids and resident doctors are there at pretty short notice if you need something. It’s almost like a five star hotel, until you start to feel a little better, and then it drops to 3 stars. Why? They know that the urgency of the moment will wait, they’ll have to clean up any messes and there are patients with more urgent needs than yours. They also know that you will start to move more when you start to do better, and you’ll start to do better when you move more.

In a rehabilitation facility, the pace is slower. The nurse patient ratio has changed (more patients per nurse) and the aid ratio changes as well. Much less urgency is place on all activities. They’ll work for you, as soon as they’re finished changing, bathing, toileting the other patient(s). Wait your turn. But Occupational Therapy and Physical Therapy run tight ships, and you better be ready or you miss your opportunity. So hurry up and wait.

Homecare is another animal altogether. You may still have a professional caregiver who is not impacted by your grumpiness and know how to physically handle you so you are treated cautiously and respectfully. Or you may have a friend, family member or spouse to look after you. Without training, handling you could be a bear and grumpiness can be taken quite personally. Face it, you’re not feeling well, there’s going to be grumpiness.

Luckily for me, the caregiving will be short term; just a few months. It’s easy to see how under-appreciated caregiving can quickly become. Five star hotels don’t have it easy, but they pay and train their staff to respond quickly and courteously. And the staff has time at home with their family and time to take care of their own needs, without the stress of a health situation.

Are you a caregiver? Somebody’s private nurse? No-one responds well to a 24/7 stressful job. Make sure you allow yourself some time for relaxation. You have the right and the need to get re-energized too.